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What if I didn’t trust God when I’m in pain or suffering?

Following my last post on the question of hope, a friend on Facebook asked me how would she convince someone to trust in God when all they feel is pain? And how can such a person have hope when they don’t even have the basic necessities?

Good questions, and here are my thoughts…

If for example, you chose not to believe that God existed, would it help you to accept your pain and suffering? Does getting rid of your belief in God make acceptance of evil and your suffering any easier? Or, if you do believe in His existence, then why wouldn’t you trust Him? Why wouldn’t you have hope?

 If you feel that He does not exist, then what is the reason for your pain? Right now it would appear that you blame God, so in His absence, who deserves the blame? Or is the issue more being upset that He is allowing your pain? Have you considered that maybe there is a reason or purpose for your pain? For example, Jesus Christ, who was without sin, suffered, but it was not without purpose. He suffered so that sinners would have hope of salvation.

Moreover, God never promised that we would not have to endure pain and suffering. In fact, His Word in 1 Peter 4 vs 12-13 tells us:

“Dear friends do not be surprised at the painful trials you are suffering, as though something strange was happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

We also see in John 16 versus 33:

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.”

So suffering is ought to be expected, and it is no reason or basis not to trust in God.

And as unfortunate as suffering is, it has sometimes proved to effect something positive. For example, a lady on a radio programme testified that prior to 911 she did not believe in God, yet after 911 when her boyfriend died, she cursed God for allowing it to happen, and it was in that moment she recognized that if she was blaming God, then she must believe that He exists.

In a recent radio interview a fellow author commented on how kind some very poor people were on an island that he and his wife had visited. The radio commentator in response, mentioned how extremely kind people were after the passing of Hurricane Ivan, and he concluded that sometimes we need devastating events to remind us to be kind. How funny is that? I’d also like to share with you an online article that highlights how suffering sometime provides an opportunity for heroism and compassion in others. The article also mentions that scientists have said volcanoes and earthquakes actually contribute to the existence of life on earth (See http://www.broadcaster.org.uk/section2/transcript/suffering.html).

And what about people who have great wealth and security but still choose not to trust God? If they do not trust God despite their wealth and security, then how can a suffering man justify not trusting in God due to his pain?

It really is up to the individual. Look at good old Job. God allowed the Devil to kill Job’s kids, take away his livelihood and make him diseased, and while Job’s friends and his wife encouraged him to give up his integrity, curse God and die, he still trusted God. And you know what happened next? God multiplied all that Job had. Job never stopped trusting in God despite his pain and suffering.

Why not have hope also that the pain will one day end? Jesus’ Christ’s resurrection happened, despite his suffering. So why can’t we trust and have hope that our own suffering and pain will end?

Also, how much are we willing to give back to God, if anything? It’s always easy to blame God, but hard to acknowledge His greatness. For example, we can’t trust Him because all we feel is pain, but yet He woke us up this morning, and every morning. Who was it that put that breath in your body? For those who have children, who provided that blessing of having another human being of your own to care for? If you’re struggling to pay your rent or mortgage, who allowed you to have that roof over your head in the first place? Sometimes people get angry at God when loved ones die, but God never promised us immortality, and for those who trust Him there is hope beyond the grave. And at least the person who dies would escape or no longer endure life’s pain and suffering. For the loved ones who are left to grieve, if you trust in God you are assured of his comfort in your time of pain. God’s words in Mathew 11:28 tells us:

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Do note the words “come to me”. Firstly you can call on God in prayer, but more importantly I think that call to go to Him also means to repent and believe in Him. Believe not just in His existence, but in His power to save you.

Maybe you imagine a world with no evil whatsoever, just all good, everything perfect, and everyone perfect. And you wonder why God did not allow such a world. I do not know the answer to that, but the reality is that good and evil co-exists, and exists for ALL people, whether you believe in God or not.

So trusting in Him is your choice, and maybe this is the heart of the matter. Perhaps God wanted a world where people could choose for themselves, and not one where he treated people as robots, controlling their every action and thoughts. Pain and suffering is never easy, but it is not a good reason for not trusting in God, and for not having hope.

What if we relied less on hope?

For five years I held on to hope and faith concerning a specific life changing event, which, to my hurt and disappointment, did not work out. So it led me to question hope, but as I started my research on that I ended up finding that my question was more on the issue of faith.

So what exactly am I talking about? Let’s first define these terms to get a bit of clarity. The Oxford English Dictionary defines hope as a feeling of expectation and desire for something to happen; and it defines faith as complete trust or confidence. So with this context, for those five years of my life I had the expectation and desire that things would have worked out, and I had complete confidence that it would.

At first I became angry with “hope” when things didn’t work out. I was angry that I had expected a positive outcome, and so I asked myself the question, “what if we relied less on hope?” I started to think of the many situations where we apply the concept of hope, such as when we tell a friend “I hope you will have a good day”, or “I hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow.” I laughed as I considered these statements, and thought to myself, we have absolutely no control over the weather, and most of the time when we “hope” that others will have a good day, we won’t impact those persons’ day and have no control over what obstacles those persons’ may experience on that day, but being the humans that we are, we “hope” anyway. I laughed as I considered how at work we tend to start off the body of our emails with “Hope you are well”. Me having hope about a client’s health is not going to impact whatever is the reality, yet I “hope” anyway. In all these questions something became evident to me. Two things in fact – faith and fate. I kept seeing the answers can’t change the outcome; different to reality, and I thought, oh so fate is a big part of my unfortunate setbacks. I realized that there is little escaping “hope” because one way or another you have to have expectations and desires in this life, even if at the very least it is that you will wake up the next morning. Or on the contrary, for those who don’t want to wake up, they could have a desire to die! I further realized that for those five years I had not only hoped, but had held on to “faith”. I trusted completely that things would have worked out as I had planned, so I did not make adequate preparation for Plan B, in case things did not work out. To be honest, I was the kind of person who always had so much faith that I thought that it was all I needed in order to achieve whatever I wanted. But this setback reminded me of something. It reminded me that God is in control, and not me. While faith is good, it is even better to be conscious of our limitations. This is where fate comes in. The Oxford English Dictionary defines fate as the development of events outside a person’s control, regarded as decided in advance by a supernatural power.

So my setback helped me to realise that all along my faith had been misdirected. I needed to put my faith in God, and accept that I do not have complete control over my circumstances, and as such will not receive every desire I have in this life. Now I still hope, but while I do I pray and ask God for His guidance. I no longer lean on my own understanding, but trust that God knows what is best for me, and whatever that best is, I choose to accept it. When he closes a door on me I know it’s because it’s not His will for me, and I accept that and patiently wait for His will to be done in my life.

What If…What Now…Beyond 2012

Many people all over the world went through much of 2012 wondering what if the world comes to an end this year. Others wondered what if we experience some major occurrence at the end of 2012 that leads to a new world order in 2013. So now that December is almost over and the world is still very much in tact, I wonder what now; what happens beyond 2012.

Leading up to December 2012 many persons all over the world anticipated that as per the Mayan calendar, the world would come to an end on December 21, 2012. Worldwide catastrophe was anticipated. Some even thought that maybe global warming would lead to this worldwide catastrophe. I remember back in Easter when the weather in Canada made a sharp jump from freezing temperatures to a more summer-time +20 degree Celsius temperatures. It was reported to be one of the warmest winters in Canada.  As I sat having tea with my neighbour one afternoon, she openly wondered if the warmer temperatures this year was a sign. She said she didn’t believe that the world would end on December 21st, but wondered if we would experience something major, and if it would result in us starting a new, better world in 2013. Her fantasy made me think of the story of Port Royal, and I too started to wonder if a new world order was on its way.

Port Royal, Jamaica was once known as the ‘Wickedest City on Earth’. It was a haven for privateers and pirates – lots of drinking, prostitution and killings abounded there. Then on June 7, 1692 a massive earthquake hit Jamaica and over 2,000 residents of Port Royal died that day as result, with up to 3,000 more deaths from injuries and diseases in the months that followed. Many people viewed the occurrence as God’s punishment on such a wicked city. Today Port Royal is a quiet city, very unlike the place that it used to be.

Well no worldwide environmental catastrophe occurred and the world did not end on December 21, 2012, but for many persons it’s just as well if it did. I don’t recall any other year where there were so many tragic events worldwide than in 2012. Just to name a few, there was and continues to be the bloodletting in Syria. The current death toll stands at approximately 40,000 people. Back in October a former university colleague was killed and burnt in Jamaica. She was four months pregnant. Also in October, a woman in New York who was eight-months pregnant was stabbed to death on the day before her wedding.  Beneath her body was a note which stated that more pregnant women would die until the DC sniper is released from prison. Just a couple weeks ago, on December 14, 20 children and a few adults were shot and killed by a lone gunman at an elementary school in Connecticut. On that very day, over in China a man used a knife to injure 22 children and one adult. These killings remind me of the Bible verse Luke 21:23 which reads “Woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck, in those days! For there shall be great distress in the land, and wrath upon this people.” (King James Bible – Cambridge).

Death came closer to home this year when in November my mom’s patient died in her presence. Then my step dad passed away on Christmas day. I still feel emotional as I think of my own dad and my mom. I pray that God will keep them alive and well for years to come.

Death is an ever-present reality these days. Times feel less happy than they once did, but for those of us who still have life, we must go on. Those who have suffered loss have to find a way to cope. Those who currently suffer in the midst of war and destruction must also find a way to cope or possibly escape. I’m not sure if there will be any further predicted world end now that mankind has survived 2012, but one thing is for sure, we can’t curl up in our homes  and refuse to stop living (unless of course you commit suicide). So we have to go on with our plans and dreams, and continue to have hope for a better world and better circumstances.

No matter what, I always seem to wonder “what if”.

Just slightly more than a year ago I decided to go to Toronto, Canada to pursue a Graduate Certificate in Technical Communication, as a back-up plan to secure my family’s future. Despite the sacrifices I would have to make, and the uncertainties that would follow, I still wanted to go so that I would not look back one day and wonder “what if”. Well, ironically, now that I’ve returned to Grand Cayman and am job searching, I’m left wondering — what if I never went to Canada and studied Technical Communication? What if my Technical Communication qualification has now set me back with career in advancement in Cayman?

While living in Toronto, I found that employers in the financial services sector were interested in me. Even when interviewing for a technical writer role I was told that my client serving background would give me an advantage. In the end it didn’t, but the bottom line is that my client serving experience was being acknowledged in the context of a technical writer role. I was amazed. If only the reverse could be true in Cayman.

As I prepared to move back to Cayman I wondered if the financial services sector there would find my technical communication background to be of any relevance. I didn’t think so. I contacted a couple recruiters who pretty much made me feel that a technical communication career in Cayman was next to impossible for me; because I didn’t have a computer science degree and I didn’t have the required years of technical writing experience. I tried to express that I wasn’t seeking anything particularly technical that would require me having a computer science degree. Instead, I just wanted a role that would allow me to utilize my ‘documentation’ skill set. I don’t think I was able to get that across to recruiters. Or somehow they just didn’t see me getting any such role. So I wondered, what have I done? Surely I can’t just discard one whole year of technical communication experience from my resume, but if employers don’t care for it in Cayman, then what? Either way, I couldn’t help but wonder what if I had stayed in Cayman? By now I would completed at least one qualifying course toward my ICSA designation in Offshore Finance and Administration.

One day I picked up the newspaper and to my surprise there was a job ad titled “Document Specialist”. I thought no way. Are you kidding me? As I read through the description I saw a need for basic experience with “InDesign” and knowledge of “Styles”. Again, I thought no way this is crazy, I just learnt those in Toronto. As I got down to the salary though I saw where it was way too low for me. Nonetheless, my thoughts were now modified wondering what if my technical communication training and experience are what would now shape my destiny to have a documentation role within the financial services sector? What if the opportunity in fact existed for me to have a role that combined client relations and technical communication? Naw, I didn’t want to get my hopes up at first. But then a few days later I saw a job advertised in the newspaper for a Document Controller/Investment Clerk. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wondered what if there’s hope for me after all. Time will tell. I guess no matter what, I will always be left wondering “what if…”

What if there were a Facebook for dogs…

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Recently, I was having lunch with a group of friends, and one of my colleagues who is apparently just as crazy and imaginative as I am, joked that he’s going to create a Facebook for dogs. I thought what a lovely idea. Since then my mind has been running wild, imagining what such a site would be like.

I imagine some people would put up profile pictures of their dogs and express their views on politics and religion while pretending that those are the thoughts of their dogs. They would take on a greater level of confidence in expressing all their taboo feelings while role playing their fantasy that it’s really not them speaking, it’s their inhibited dogs.

Then there would be other people who would get super creative by dressing up their dogs to look like the animal versions of themselves. Some would have their dogs converse about cats they’d like to tear apart, and juicy steak bones they’re looking forward to eat for dinner. There would be dogs on Facebook representing various races and nationalities, so they’d be having written conversations in French, English, Mandarin, German, you name it. Would be so cute to see little Irish dogs making comments like “feck off”, and the Rasta dog jammin inna Jamaican patois. 

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Maybe some people would want to take it a step further by having a Facebook cat invasion to create some Facebook drama between dogs and cats. I wonder what they’d argue about besides…, actually I have no idea what they’d argue about, but I’m sure their owners would think of something.

Love it, love it, love it. Cheers to Facebook for dogs! Image 

What if there were a Facebook for dogs…

Image

Recently, I was having lunch with a group of friends, and one of my colleagues who is apparently just as crazy and imaginative as I am, joked that he’s going to create a Facebook for dogs. I thought what a lovely idea. Since then my mind has been running wild, imagining what such a site would be like.

I imagine some people would put up profile pictures of their dogs and express their views on politics and religion while pretending that those are the thoughts of their dogs. They would take on a greater level of confidence in expressing all their taboo feelings while role playing their fantasy that it’s really not them speaking, it’s their inhibited dogs.

Then there would be other people who would get super creative by dressing up their dogs to look like the animal versions of themselves. Some would have their dogs converse about cats they’d like to tear apart, and juicy steak bones they’re looking forward to eat for dinner. There would be dogs on Facebook representing various races and nationalities, so they’d be having written conversations in French, English, Mandarin, German, you name it. Would be so cute to see little Irish dogs making comments like “feck off”, and the Rasta dog jammin inna Jamaican patois.

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Maybe some people would want to take it a step further by having a Facebook cat invasion to create some Facebook drama between dogs and cats. I wonder what they’d argue about besides…, actually I have no idea what they’d argue about, but I’m sure their owners would think of something.

Love it, love it, love it. Cheers to Facebook for dogs! Image

What if my mind played tricks on me?

Maybe it’s just me, but you know those times when your mind plays tricks on you making you see or hear something completely different from the truth? Maybe I need to change my glasses, or try to get more sleep. Either way, my mind definitely did a number on me recently. Heading to my apartment one night I read a notice which warned that on February 27 water would be shut off in the building from 9am until 12pm. So I anticipated that since I wasn’t home during those hours I had nothing to worry about. Guess what? The sign hadn’t said 12pm, hadn’t said noon, not even 12am. The notice had actually stated between “9am and midnight.” Bloody hell, midnight! Unfortunately, I only realised this on the same day of the occurrence, so despite “the advance notice”, I had seen the real warning too late to catch up some water. So I rocked my brain to see what kind of damage control I could do. I thought — ok I have a jug of drinking water so Jason is fine. And thank God for wipes and hand sanitizer if the water runs out. Although I didn’t want to have to resort to using wipes and hand sanitizer as if I was experiencing a national disaster. Then another troublesome thought was what if I need to do number 2? Oh crap! If I had just double checked the sign, or even asked the front desk to be sure.

Well I got through the first hour and a half quite fine since I only got home at 6pm. I figured the water I had should definitely last until around 8.30 or 9pm and then I would go off to sleep anyway. If push came to shove I could just go downstairs and buy a bottle of water. But how annoying would that be to be spending money on water when if I had just realized the correct time on the notice I would have filled Jason’s tub up with some water. I would have filled those two red bowls. I could have even filled up that water bottle on the table.

Well I hate to spoil the fun people; some story this could have been huh if I really had to go all the way until midnight without water, right? But unfortunately for you and fortunately for me the water was back by 7.30pm :-). THANK GOD!!!

If I had just…clueless about winter stuff

I moved to Canada last Fall and faced a major culture shock in learning the price of winter boots, and winter jackets. Being from a tropical island I never had a need before to wear winter boots and winter jackets, and had no prior guidance, so was completely clueless. I became friends with a girl who advised me to purchase a good pair despite the cost of around $120 including tax. I thought no way, absolutely not. I am not spending over $100 on shoes. What’s so special about them that I need to pay over $100? I told her I planned on buying all my shoes and clothes from Walmart.

Well I didn’t end up buying any winter shoes or jackets from Walmart, but came across a few stores that sold boots for the prices I was looking for. At the time I thought all “boots” were winter boots, so I bought two pairs that were each $20. The black pair looked good but then they started to crack a bit and ever since a male classmate compared them to his shoes I couldn’t get over thinking that they look like male boots. So I decided maybe $20 was too cheap, but $50 didn’t seem too bad, and the boots looked really hot and they were high all the way up to my thighs, so I thought they must be good stuff for the winter. Not quite. I introduced them to my friend and she made me aware that they were that high so women can wear them with short skirts. Hmmmm, that makes sense. By then I knew I seriously had to do better at getting the right winter boots. So when I saw a pair referred to as “winter boots” at Old Navy I figured I’m good to go. They were so cute and the price was right – on sale for only $40. I felt even better when a lady up by the cashier mentioned seeing them in another store for $80. I thought I finally hit the jackpot. But as the days grew colder and colder I realized my choice wasn’t so good after all. The cold was surely making its way into my boots and onto my feet. If I had just listened to my friend when she told me to buy a decent pair of winter boots, even if it cost $120.

And while all that madness was going on with the boots I was busy spending a fortune on jackets. Every time I noticed a winter jacket on sale I bought one. I had no idea one or two was enough, until speaking with an older woman one day who mentioned that she had two, and she had been living in Canada her whole life. I had bought one that was going very cheap for just $50, then realized two months later when I was ready to wear it that it had a faulty zip. I saw one that looked so elegant it was hard to resist, then I saw one that was absolutely perfect in every way, then I saw one that would work better on a day when it was only mildly cold. I wasn’t sure if I should go with black or grey so I bought them both, and I went on and on until I ended up with seven winter jackets. Yes, seven.

Now back to the boots. After all my mistakes I eventually bought a sensible pair of winter boots on sale from Old Navy. I still didn’t pay $120, well at least not on one pair, but with all the boots combined I had spent way over that amount. So I ended up with five pairs of winter boots, yet only one can withstand -15 degree temperatures or worse. If I had just listened to my friend I could have saved all that money. But at least now I can reflect and LMAO about it, and I am surely set for all other winters to come. Wish I had done things differently, but sometimes life just happens. So I face the winter like a diva with several jackets and boots to choose from.

What If…Sometimes Life Just Happens

Growing up I’d hear kids say “what if your nose was a door post, where would you put the hinges?” It was a bit of an upsetting query because surely there’s no way my nose would ever transform into a door post, so why on earth would I wonder about that? Well the same thing could be said about more realistic things in life that we spend our time wondering about. I’m 100 % guilty of always reflecting and thinking if I had just, or what if were to do this or that. It gets a bit frustrating at times. But one day I thought, you know what I’ll just get my frustrations out in writing, as I always do. So I decided, I’ll write a book  about it. Maybe that will get it out of my system. I started writing what I thought would become my third book, but then of course, I wondered, what if I were to do this is a blog? I wonder what kind of “what if” stories other people may have. I’d love to hear their stories and share mine with them, and voila, that’s how this blog began.

There’s so much I think back on in my life about and wish things had gone differently, if I had just had a different attitude, if I had just been a bit more patient, and the list goes on. But despite all my should have, would have, could have, whatever was ever meant to happen, happened, and one day it just finally hit me, sometimes life just happens. So get over whining and pining already. We may think we ought to have full control because we are in the driver’s seat of our lives, but sometimes we don’t have full control of the situation; there are circumstances often beyond our foresight and beyond our control. Even if we feel bad about certain outcomes, we just never saw those end-results coming so we didn’t know how to stop them. And we don’t have all the keys to the future either. I know, easier said than done, it’s like a drug. So why not have some fun with it? Let’s see how often in our lives we get caught up with this ‘what if’. I know a common ‘what if’ facing most of us right now is ‘what if I were to win the lottery?’  Well all I can tell you is that if you don’t have a ticket you don’t stand a chance. I bought a pick 3 ticket recently with the numbers 2,7,3 but just my luck the winning numbers were 3,7,1. So I almost won the lottery, but almost doesn’t count. If I had just played a 1 instead of a 2. But you know what, sometimes life just happens.